Gloria Cole
Jagger Waters interviewed Gloria Cole about the process of creating McCrorey Rd, a story inspired by true events in Gloria's life. Watch the video interview for a discussion about Gloria's process and what it's like to adapt personal stories about sexual abuse for the screen. The conversation developed into a larger discussion about how to protect children against sexual abuse, and how survivors and those close to survivors culturally process its lifelong effects.
McCrorey Rd the short film was shot in August 2019 on location near the real McCrorey Rd, where Gloria grew up. Gloria and McCrorey Rd director Shane Coffey are raising money via Kickstarter, to fund a feature length version of McCrorey Rd.
We the Women: at what point in your life did you start discussing what happened?
For me, this was the hardest part of the entire process - discussing what happened. For so many years I kept everything inside but would obsessively think about and relive what happened in nightmares. The first time I ever said - out loud - what had happened, I was 15 and in the car with my mom and dad. It was, in every sense of the word, terrifying. 10 years have passed since that day and now most of my family knows. I think I always hoped someone would ask about it or make me talk about it, but they never did. Now I’m 24. Last year I finally got tired of feeling like a prisoner to my trauma and started speaking in great detail about everything that happened with my therapist. It’s been a wild, emotional ride.
Have you ever shared this experience with someone who reacted in an unexpected or triggering manner?
Unfortunately, yes. I was 15 when I finally felt brave enough to share what had happened to me and - at the same time - I got caught with weed. Someone close to the abuser came to his defense, saying, “She’s just making it all up so she won’t get in trouble for smoking weed.” When you’re a teenager, you expect grown ups to see and know the truth when you tell them, but that’s not always the case. It happened again last year. While I was writing my story, someone I was working for asked me what it was about. I told him and he proceeded to ask if I enjoyed it. A grown man asked me if, at 6 years old, I enjoyed being molested. He tried to make a case that since, at the time, I was submissive and let it keep happening…that some part of me enjoyed it. That if I could just realize “society tells us that sex at such a young age is wrong and this is the only reason you feel traumatized” then I would feel better and not be affected. He wanted me to convince myself that I enjoyed it and nothing wrong happened.
How do you think our perceptions of children shape their autonomy and ability to speak up about abuse as it occurs?
This is a brilliant question. I think, in our society, it is normal to perceive children as unreliable, inaccurate, and oftentimes exaggerated. What most parents don’t realize is that children are more than capable of clocking our lack of confidence in them and that directly creates an atmosphere that diminishes their confidence and makes them question their own realities. How can a child who’s constantly being told to be quiet, not really being listened to in their daily life, being told to “do whatever the adult in charge tells you to” have the confidence to speak up about such a scary matter? Children are wildly perceptive and emotionally intelligent and we should treat them as such.
What cultural and social changes do you think need to be made for us to better protect children against predators?
If we could live in a society that empowered children instead of making them feel inferior to adults, I think a lot of predators would think twice before doing something. Children need to feel trusted and like what they have to say matters. Adults are quick to shush children and make them feel like whatever they’re talking about is insignificant. Predators are very good at hiding what they’re doing from other adults so it’s the children that need to be able to recognize that something isn’t right and feel confident enough to speak up about it. Children need to know that not all adults, even the familiar ones, are good. They need to be taught that many adults make mistakes and are not always right.
What would you say to someone currently struggling to process their own past trauma of childhood sexual abuse?
I would say you’re NOT alone and it’s never too late to face your trauma. I would encourage them to tell somebody, anybody what happened. Say it out loud to yourself if you’re not ready for that! When we keep childhood sexual trauma bottled up it becomes a scary and powerful force in our heads. Once we let it all out… that’s just it…we let it all out. That’s when you can truly start to heal. The more you speak about it the less power it has over you. I promise.
What would you say to someone whose friend, partner, or family member experienced childhood sexual abuse, and is not sure how to be most helpful and supportive?
The thing about childhood sexual abuse is the person who experienced it probably never felt like they could talk about it. They probably feel like no one wants to hear about it. I mean, why would someone want to hear about something that happened so long ago, right? These are hard thoughts for the person who was abused to overcome and it takes a lot of bravery. Realize that we live in a society that denies even Christine Blasey Ford justice. So - if they’ve confided in you, the best thing you can do is listen, show that you care, and most importantly believe them. Remember that this is not about you. This is not about how the news makes you feel. It’s about letting them speak and be heard
The burning chair is a beautiful metaphor in "McCrorey Rd." How do you think this captures the healing process?
Agh, I love the burning chair scene. When she sees an old rocking chair from her childhood and realizes the trauma that it is associated with, the first thing she does is take it outside and burn it. Much like the recognition and ridding of the chair, the first move you need to make is to identify the trauma. Then release it, talk about it, bring it out of the shadows. The chair to our protagonist is what McCrorey Rd. is to me. This scene is chaotic but clearly necessary - like the healing process. You have to look your trauma in the face and say, “You’re not going to control me anymore.” Then, of course, light it on fire.